Aug 27, 2014

our story...

So, I realized this morning that I haven't posted since May.  It's now late August.  Classes started this week.  Where did the summer go?

Well, it's been an interesting summer here to say the least.  After trying to start a family for the past few years, we decided we were going to start an infant domestic adoption.  We spent all of May getting a majority of the adoption home study requirements done.  Two days (TWO!) before the "point of no return" for the home study, as I like to call it, we got some interesting news...

I'm pregnant!

Yes, after years of trying, doc appointments, testing, treatments, and everything else...there was a little plus sign on that pregnancy test.  Weird how life works.  It took me weeks months to believe that it could be true.  In fact, I'm still not entirely convinced.

Now the adoption home study is on hold.  We still plan on adopting, but the latest plan is that it's going to be for baby #2, because biological baby apparently cut in line.  We're going to be finishing the home study over the next several months, so we can get that search started in the next year or two.

I've always heard that it's harder to adopt than to have a biological baby.  I was in total agreement through May, but now I don't know.

Adoptions require recommendation letters, financial statements, background checks, fire inspections, meetings with social workers, classes, physicals, lots of legal fees, and an often excruciating waiting period as you wait for "the call".  Granted, we haven't gotten to the waiting period part yet, so I may be judging prematurely.

Because of our journey so far, we have a serious sense of survivors guilt, having already mentally joined the "adoptive parents club".  We had read all the books, magazines and blogs (and started our own blog! will be announced when the time is right), attended a adoption network meeting, and discussed the joys and struggles with various adoptive families and birth parents.  We had a plan and were ready to jump wholeheartedly into the adoption world.

Don't get me wrong, we are absolutely so grateful and super blessed to be expecting our first biological baby after dealing with infertility for so long.  But having a biological baby can be hard.  I'm not talking about the months of nausea, constant bathroom visits, the food aversions (which explain my extended absence from the blogosphere), exhaustion, veggie sushi cravings, or difficulty sleeping.  That is what it is, and a baby's totally worth the little inconveniences.

What I'm talking about is the fact that, despite the common belief, conceiving and carrying a baby to full term is not always easy.  We've had after-hours doctor calls, emergency room visits, several extra doctor and ultrasound appointments, and we've started our various "high-risk" doctor appointments.  This has in turn lead to many sleepless nights adding to my already exhausted, growing body.  (Perhaps baby is just preparing us for the months to come?)  The uncertainty can easily drive you completely crazy.

It has truly been a roller coaster of a journey.  As a couple, hubs and I have had our happiest and hardest moments since that little plus sign appeared.  We're trying to stay hopeful about our beautiful little baby.  We've got 16 weeks behind us already and are praying for at least another 8 or 9 (ideally 24 would be lovely, little one!) before baby decides to make his or her appearance.

We're hoping that one day we'll look back on all this craziness and smile, knowing that our story just made us more thankful for the child(ren) we will have.  In the mean time we plan on praying, waiting, and breathing.  Sometimes it seems that that's all you can do.

A serious thank you goes out to all of our family, friends, and co-workers for their prayers, support, cards, positive energy, and love.  Keep those coming.  And a big thank you to the most amazing husband in the world who has taken on almost all of the housework and yard work, comes to all of the doctor appointments, calls doctors when I can't, makes late night emergency runs to the grocery store for whatever happens to sound edible, and stays up with me as we toss and turn together.

More on this journey is to come...

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